Instead of “The Republic” we could have had an account of Who F’kd Who.

Instead of Principia, Newton could have told us Who F’kd Who.

Instead of Constitution, Jefferson could have told us Who F’kd Who.

All those delicious tales lost, and for what some prattlings about liberty, gravity, and federalism.

Where was Epstein when history needed him?

Why must the Great Books contain so little lascivious gossip?

And there should be pictures in them so we can see the lovely body parts.